Hooking up has been the subject of a lot of media attention over the last few years. Most of it not good. Leaving aside those who insist that hooking up is leading women (but not men) down the merry road to hell, there is a far greater problem.
Seems, it may not be that much fun anyway -- at least not for the woman. According to an upcoming article in the Journal of Sex Research, many women find it difficult to negotiate cunnilingus with casual sex partners.
Laura Backstrom, Elizabeth Armstrong, and Jennifer Puentes conducted in-depth interviews with 43 participants. And found, in general, that muff diving was not an expected part of the hookup menu. Men mainly perform oral sex in relationships, not with a casual FWBs. This isn't a new finding. Elizabeth Armstrong has done previous research supporting the old adage "that it is better to give than to receive" is lost on the male member of most casual hookups.
Women are a far more likely to perform oral sex during a hookup than to receive it, which is one of the reasons that college age women report climaxing only one-third of the time in first time hook-ups, and no more than half the time in repeat hook-ups (more than one sexual encounter with the same person). Most women require direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and oral sex is one of the most common ways women climax with a partner.
On the other hand, cunnilingus is an expected part of relationship sex, which is a thorn in the side of those women who don't like it. (And not everybody does). Backstrom, Armstrong, and Puentes pointed out that negotiating these issues can be a huge problem. In hookups, women who like receiving oral sex often had to be very assertive to get it. Nor, was this always successful.
The researchers argued that cultural shame regarding the female body and female sexual pleasure led to confusion and ambiguity about the place of cunnilingus in heterosexual sex. Especially, in a casual scenario. According to England:
“Women and men are more ambivalent about the importance of women’s sexual pleasure [outside] of relationships,” says England. “Our findings suggest that both women and men have absorbed a notion that women are entitled to sexual pleasure in a relationship, but not necessarily in casual scenarios.”Plus, most men aren't that emotionally invested in a casual hookup, booty call, or random fuck, and therefore may not give a rat's rosy red one whether she gets anything out of it or not. One participant told Armstrong, in no uncertain terms, that "with his girlfriend, “definitely oral is really important [for her to orgasm],” but that with a casual hookup, “I don’t give a shit.”
Another young man echoed these cheery sentiments saying, “Now that I’m in a relationship, I think [her orgasm is] actually pretty important. More important than [in a] hookup. Because you have more invested in that person…When it’s a hookup you feel less investment.”