Brain electrodes, Holograms, and Virtual orgasms. Oh my.

jane fonda barbarella
This is an entertaining video from the History Chanel that looks at the future of erotic fulfillment. Apparently, in the years to come you won't need to bother with a human lover - you can have all of the joys of sexual intimacy, including the actual tactile sensations of partner sex, without having to leave your house, shave your legs, or come up with a compelling line. Hot dang.

Looks like P (Having Great Sex With a Partner - Who Isn't in the Same Room) is going to have to do some upgrading in regards to her cybersex adventures. Phone sex is so 2010.

kiss under mistletoe
The tradition of kissing under the mistletoe has a long and fascinating history. The little mistletoe plant is first and foremost a type of parasite that grows on trees and literally sucks the nutrients from them. Many ancient cultures believed that it was associated with fertility, and mistletoe was often used in marriage ceremonies. Mistletoe was also considered to be an aphrodisiac with mystical properties that protected against evil spirits.

The actual act of kissing under the mistletoe is probably connected with primitive marriage customs. Plus, it may have some roots in Norse mythology.  According to  a Norse legend, the goddess of love Frigga attempted to protect her son, Balder, from harm by decreeing that nothing growing on earth could harm her baby boy. Well, unfortunately for Balder  mistletoe doesn't grow on earth; it grows on trees. So, Balder's enemy Loki took advantage of that little technicality and used it against him. The crafty Loki convinced the blind god of winter, Hoder, to kill Balder with a spear made of mistletoe.

Naturally, Frigga was devastated by the loss of her son, and the pale berries that grow on some variations of the plant were said have been created by her tears. Balder was the god of the summer son. So, his death brought winter - at least until Frigga resurrected him. She was so joyful to have her son back with her that she kissed everyone she saw who passed by the tree under which the mistetoe grew. She then required all couples standing under mistletoe to kiss, and it became a sacred plant associated with love. Just a little history lesson for Christmas- now go out and kiss somebody!

 Merry Christmas from Lilith Land.

aroused nude woman
The sexual response cycle that Kara Sutra is alluding to here was first described by Masters and Johnson in the 1960s and has been criticized on the basis that it may be more applicable to men than women.

As Kara acknowledges, female sexual response is seldom as linear as male. Many women get aroused, find themselves losing the sensation, and then finding it again (unfortunately, sometimes losing it again too). While the male sexual cycle is more of a straight shot to Nirvana, the female cycle proceeds in a more circular fashion. Of course, this isn't true of everyone.

One major reason for this is that women are often more distractible than men. They get turned on and then find themselves thinking about their thighs, the laundry, or taking Fluffy to the vet - next thing you know whatever buildup they have acquired goes flying out the window. Many women also experience anxiety about their sexual response. They worry about taking to long to come, whether their doing it right, or if his jaw is getting tired. Masters and Johnson referred to such performance based concerns as "spectatoring". Basically, this means that you're so focused on viewing yourself from a fly-on-the-wall perspective that you can't get turned on.

Some researchers have hypothesized that a high level of absorption (the ability to lose oneself in an experience) may be absolutely essential for female arousal. And brain scans of women while in the throes of orgasm do reveal a curious lack of emotion. In fact, the female brain is distinguished from the male brain during orgasm by its absence of emotion. The brain centers that control anxiety are effectively switched off.  And according to neuroscientist Gert Holstege, “Fear and anxiety need to be avoided at all costs if a woman wishes to have an orgasm; we knew that but now we can see it happening in the depths of the brain.”

I have found that focusing on my sensations, an erotic fantasy, or visualizing my genitals filling with blood takes me out of my head and into my body. Sometimes, it also helps to focus on my breathing and visualize sending my breath to  my vulva (this is a common exercise in Tantra). Anyway, here is Kara talking about the female response cycle.

For more information about this issue, check out these books in my store.

Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Sex First Edition Hardcover (Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Sex: Every Woman's Guide to Pleasure and Beyond) Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human Loving The Science of Orgasm

I support gay marriage because I believe that gays and lesbians should have the right to be just as miserable as straight people. Why should heterosexuals get a monopoly on marital misery? Now, this funny video from The Onion, on the other hand, proposes a ban on loveless couples who stick together "just for the sake of the children". 

New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other

julian assange
Well, the big news in the blogosphere this morning is that Julian Assange (WikiLeaks top dog) had a dating profile on OKCupid where he describes himself as a “Passionate, and often pig-headed activist intellectual [who] seeks siren for love affair, children and occasional criminal conspiracy.” No Shit.

The cheeky whistle blower (aka Harry Harrison) continues to hint at his various illegal shenanigans by saying that he is “Directing a consuming, dangerous, human rights project which is, as you might expect, male dominated,” as for his career aspirations he is “Variously professionally involved in international journalism/books, documentaries, cryptography, intelligence agencies, civil rights, political activism, white collar crime and the internet.

Assange teases the reader further by offering this cryptic statement "I am DANGER, ACHTUNG".  So, apropos. And I bet he got a lot of hits with that one. As for what he is looking for in a significant other? He wants an intelligent, "spirited" and "spunky" woman. I was on OKCupid for a while, and I got off because the men were really boring. Maybe I was wrong on that one.

See his OKCupid profile here.

Medication often isn't the first thing a person may think about when a sexual problem comes up, which is unfortunate because many common prescription drugs can have serious sexual repercussions. Desire, orgasm, and lubrication can all can be negatively affected by drugs used to treat many typical medical complaints. Much of the information in this post comes from Dr. Hilda Hucherson's book What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex, and it should not be used as a substitute for medical advice.

It should be pointed out that if you are on any of these medications DO NOT STOP TAKING THEM WITHOUT DISCUSSING IT WITH YOUR DOCTOR. Sometimes, a drug can be replaced by a different medication, or in other cases, simply lowering the dosage might help. Other times, a second drug can be taken that can counteract the negative sexual side effects of the first.

If you are hopelessly bewildered by modern bedroom etiquette and behavior, there's hope on the horizon. Just read the sheets. The Karmasheetra was designed to provide guidelines on how to "get your sheet on". Kind of like a naked twister, this sheet set provides ideas about where to "put your hands and feet" for orgasmic fun under the covers. A fun Christmas gift for the thoroughly confused.


sex toys
If there is one thing I like, it's a great new sex toy, and I know I'm not alone in this. So, just for the holidays, I decided to put together my list of top ten sex toys for women. So, while you're out shopping this season for your lady love, you might consider adding some of these great products to your list.

Everything I mention here, I have either personally tried, or I have heard great things about the item from sex toy reviewers. First off, I would like to make the suggestion that if you are considering buying an adult toy, pay careful attention to the product's material. Many years ago when I was a neophyte toy buyer, I bought a jelly vibrator. Now, jelly is a mystery material that often contains phthalates (toy companies do seem to be phasing this stuff out though). Phthalates can have negative health consequences and have been restricted in Europe. Also, jelly is a rather porous material that can harbor bacteria, which increases your risk of getting some kind of infection.

Jake E sent this to me at Dodson and Ross where I contribute articles. He sent it in response to my post on domestic violence. The blurb claims that this video was part of a social science experiment where hidden cameras where used. I don't know if that is true or not, but if it is, it's very disturbing.

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About Me

About Me
Hi, I am a single, graduate student who is finishing up her doctoral dissertation on the subject of female sexual dysfunction (FSD) and sexual satisfaction.

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