Step 5: Slow Down and Savor the Moment. Often times, women worry about taking to long to orgasm with a male partner. However, sex is not a race to the finish, and both sexes would do well to learn to slow down.

Taking longer usually increases the intensity of an orgasm for both men and women - often, because it maximizes the release of endorphins (the feel-good hormones responsible for orgasmic pleasure).

Sex therapist Barabara Keesling recommends an exercise she calls "peaking", in which rate your arousal level on a scale from one to ten. For a woman, a "two" might be a slight tingle in the genital area or butterflies in the stomach, while a "four" might be awareness of vaginal lubrication.

Part One 


According to statistics, anywhere from 10 to 26% of women (depending on who you read) are not orgasmic at all, and over 60% of women who are orgasmic aren't happy with how often it occurs. I put together this two part primer to provide some assistance for women experiencing this issue. These steps should help a woman both intensify her orgasm and increase the likelihood of having one.

Train Your PC Muscles 

Step 1. Strong orgasms begin with strong muscles. Most people have heard of Kegel exercises but may be confused about how to perform them correctly.

The pubococcygeus muscles are the muscles that support your pelvic anatomy and surround your urethra, vagina and anus. Strengthening them can both increase the intensity of your orgasms and your ability to have more than one.

To identify your PC muscle simple stop your urine flow the next time you go to the bathroom. The muscles that you squeeze to do this are the PC muscles. Essentially, squeezing these muscles several times a day is one way to perform Kegels.

However, it is far better to include some form of vaginal resistance device - like a kegelcisor or a gyneflex. Squeeze the PC muscles for 10 seconds with a resistance device inside the vagina - pulling up with the vagina and then releasing completely for 10 seconds. It is as important to fully relax the muscles as it is to squeeze them tightly.

Popular opinion has it that being a "horndog" is the exclusive providence of the male of the species, while the female of the species is way too refined to consider such shenanigans as casual hookups and shagging for the sheer fun of it.

This view has also been supported by some scientists. Women, according to evolutionary psychologists, have evolved to focus their attention on long-term mating prospects and prefer to have sex only within the context of a relationship, while men..um... prefer to spread their seed around.


Not so, say researchers as the University of Guelph. Some women do indeed like sex just for physical pleasure alone. A study published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality looked at the characteristics of heterosexual women that researchers defined as "highly sexual" and found they differed in a number of ways from their more inhibited sisters.

For starters, highly sexual women regard sexual gratification as more important in their lives - important enough to risk social disapproval by behaving in ways that are not considered appropriate for their gender. It was not uncommon for such women to say that they had a powerful sex drive that had to be satisfied (sorry, guys, I don't have any phone numbers).

Highly sexual women were found to have sex earlier, and to fantasize, watch porn, and masturbate more often. Plus, they had a higher number of life-time sex partners, more casual sex, and indulged in more sexual acts with a higher orgasmic payoff.

Three prominent characteristics of highly sexual women were: 1. sexual self-confidence (they usually regarded themselves as hot tamales in the sack) 2. a high regard for their own sexual pleasure, and 3. sexual assertiveness (e.g., they're weren't shy about discussing their needs with a partner or touching themselves during sex).

Some of their sexual independence may be due to a having a higher paycheck. The researchers found that economically empowered women were more likely to engage in casual encounters with highly attractive partners. Read the entire article at The Free Library.

Technorati Tags: empowerment,  politics,  sex,  women

I found an excellent post over at Beauty and the Breast on the potentially toxic ingredients contained in cosmetics.  I am embarrassed to say, I never really looked very closely at what I've been slapping on my face for the past 20 years.

Many cosmetics contain parabens and phthalates, and both of these ingredients have been found to increase one's exposure to external estrogens (a known carcinogen). Phthalates are associated with reproductive and other health problems, including birth defects. The use of Phthalates in the production of children's toys (they were used to soften vinyl) has been banned in Europe.

If you use sex toys regularily, you should know that some sex toys like jelly, and cyberskin often contain phthalates. So, check the material before you buy.  Also, some vaginal lubricants, like Astroglide, contain parabens. Keep that in mind the next time you have sex. Here is Beauty and Breast's full post.

OK, for a WTF moment. Ladies, here is another reason to love your body the way it is - small breasts included.

A woman in England, who has the second largest breasts in Great Britain (all silicone), nearly killed her boyfriend during sex. Twenty-seven year old Claire Smedley's miracles of cosmetic enhancement weigh in a a whopping 14 pounds per breasts (God only knows how much the largest pair in the UK weigh).

She noticed something was amiss during sex when her boyfriend Steven (27) stopped  moving (that would be a dead giveaway, no pun intended). Though her boyfriend had tried to get her attention before he lost consciousness:

"I did think my time had come. I tried to slap her on her arm to get her to stop and get off me but I think she misread the signals".

Here is the full News of the World story with video.

If you read enough self-help manuals or online sex tutorials, you could easily come to the conclusion that the female orgasm is as "elusive" as Bigfoot. And like the camera-shy mammoth, it only shows up when it damn well feels like it. As a graduate student who does spend most of her time reading about the female orgasm, I have encountered this perspective over and over again.

I think many people have the impression that this is just the way things are - a fact of nature. That somehow, we females, because our orgasms are supposedly not needed for reproduction just got the short end of the stick. According to this view, we're just lucky we get off at all since the female orgasm is an evolutionary bonus point (kind of like men's nipples).

Kim Catrell, Sex and the City star and author of the sex manual Sexual Intelligence has recently disclosed that for the majority of her life sex was not very fulfilling.  There was a lot of interest in this issue over at the Huffington Post.

Her disclosure led to over 283 comments - many of which were at least as revealing (in terms of unconscious social attitudes) as her admission. There were several asinine comments about why a woman her age (obviously over the hill) should even be interested in sex! That it is unseemly for a "menopausal" woman to be "so" interested in sex and her own gratification. She is, by the way, only 53. She looks gorgeous, and I don't think she is ready for the glue factory yet. 

According to a new article in The Huffington Post, conservative, anti-gay activist and Baptist minister George Rekers can't lift his own luggage so he needs a male hooker to do for him. Yea right. Maybe he will be claiming sex addiction next.

The co-founder of the Family Research Council was found dallying with a Rentboy escort during a recent trip to Europe. Rentboy.com is (no surprise here) a website for renting male escorts.  Rekers claims that he hired the escort to carry his bags for him, not knowing he was a prostitute. You can read the whole story here.

It's amazing when you think of all the conservative pro-family anti-gay, ant-feminist pundits who have been found guilty of in-the-closet shenanigans: Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggart, and now this guy. In my field, we call this reaction formation - a kind of defense mechanism. Which basically means that you feel guilty about something, and you react by punishing other people who do the same thing your doing but who don't feel guilty. I think some psychotherapy is in order. And probably for our entire moralistic, narrow-minded country as well. Particularly, for people who regard individuals like this guy and his bigotry as "family values"

I got this from over at Risque Jokes. Very funny. 

A FATHER'S LAMENT
A man walks into a store with his eight-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see." replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package." The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday,TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March...

Now this early vibrator ad is what I call easy exercise. Sure beats pilates.

Within the last few years, there has been a lot of scientific interest in using testosterone to combat female sexual dysfunction (FSD) – specifically, low sex drive, or hypoactive desire disorder (its official DSM-IV designation). A lot of interest and a lot of confusion.


Part of the problem is that not much is understood about how testosterone affects the female body, though we do know it plays a role in the sexual responses of both sexes. Testosterone’s role in FSD is far from clear.

This is also an issue that I have experienced myself. Many years ago when I was a sweet, young thing, I dated a guy who lied, cheated on me, and was an all around butthead. Oddly enough, we were also having (can you believe it) bad sex. Who would have thunk it? At the time, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong – I was a little short on both insight and sexual experience to understand why we weren’t clicking. I mean he wasn’t a total dud. He even brought me an adorable cat.